Memorial Service for Loved Ones
If your loved one is at a stage of Alzheimer’s where they can still communicate their desires,
you may want to consider talking with them about how they would like to be remembered.
For example, before my mother-in-law passed on, she said she had given considerable thought to this question and decided she would like to be remembered by this phrase “She cared, and she shared.”
Your loved one may have a certain poem, reading, phrase or Bible verse that has been important to them which they would like you to include at their Memorial service. So by all means, if you feel you are able to, ask their opinion on this - it will be a comfort to you later on.
The information provided here will give you some ideas on this subject as well as some samples you and your loved one may want to consider.
A lot of basic "how to" information is provided in Chapter 24 “Preparing for Transition” of the book “When Your Parent Becomes Your Child” by Sherry Lynn Harris. In addition to the information provided there, below are some specific readings and you may find one that sets just the right tone for what you want the Memorial service to communicate.
The ceremony will most likely focus on who your loved one was before the final stages of the disease and on what is the legacy they are leaving behind. For example, determine what was of vital importance to her: perhaps she was dedicated to serving her family delicious home-cooked meals. We’ve had someone whose recipe for her best-known dish was included in the Memorial Service Program. Another way to honor her legacy would be to serve one of her best-loved recipes at the reception following the service.
If he loved camping and was very close to nature, you may want to honor that by holding the service outdoors, perhaps in your back yard or at a park or nearby nature preserve.
If he had a favorite song, it's nice to include that in the service. Songs which are often used include “Amazing Grace,” “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” “I’ll Be Seeing You,” and “The Lord’s Prayer.” Live musicians are great, but if that is not available, you can still create a lovely mood by playing a recording of their song.
If you have creative relatives who wish to contribute, they can put together a photo collage or slide show or, if they are technologically savvy, even a movie of your loved one’s life, using their favorite music as a backdrop for the photos.
If there are children involved, you may want to ask them if they would like to participate in a simple way. For example, each child could come up to light a candle and say what one thing they will always remember about Grandpa (i.e. his bear hug, or when they went fishing together).
Decide what you want the function of the service to be. Do you want it to be a celebration of their life? Do you want it to provide an opportunity for the family to heal together? Let the person who is leading the service know, so they can do their best to achieve what you desire. Keep your goal in mind as you choose what selections you want read.
If your loved one was a reader of the Bible, you may want verse read from it. Traditional selections from the Bible include“The Lord is My Shepherd” (23rd Psalm), “For Everything there is a Season” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), or “The Beatitudes” (Matthew 5:1-12)
23rd Psalm
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil:
for you are with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies:
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build up,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones together,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to seek and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
The Beatitudes (Matthew 5)
Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him,
2 and He began to teach them, saying:
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.
If you are looking for readings from other sources, there are many which may resonate with you, such as the following:
This reading is from a Native American Chief
I want to lie down in dappled leaf-shade
In quivering shadows of quivering leaves –
Be they oak, be they maple
Be they elm or birch.
I want to rest in the play of shadows
Over my reclining form.
I want to be caressed by shadows
Of wavering leaves,
Soothed off to sleep
Feeling the gentle breeze.
Looking up at the rustling
Sun-drenched crown.
After all is said
After all is done
This, this is the way
I would choose to say goodbye.
Right here, in this chapel, on this hill.
In The Next Room
Death is nothing at all:
I have only slipped away
into the next room.
I am I and you are you;
Whatever we were to each
other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me
in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone:
Wear no forced air or solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the
little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting
for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner. All is well.
There Is No Death
I am standing on the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her
until at length she is a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, “There! She’s gone!”
Gone where? Gone from my sight is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
and she is just as able to bear her load of living weight to destined harbor.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just as the moment when someone at my side says
“There! She’s gone!”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
“There she comes!”
If you would like to include a prayer, one of these is often chosen:
The Prayer For Protection (by James DIllet Freeman)
The Light of God surrounds me.
The Love of God enfolds me.
The Power of God protects me.
The Presence of God watches over me.
Wherever I am, God is!
The Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Sherry Lynn Harris is a trained Prayer Chaplain and experienced in conducting Memorial Services. If you are interested in engaging her to lead your Memorial Service, please fill in the form under the “Contact Us” heading and she will get right back to you with care, comfort, and experience to help you through this process of healing and closure.
you may want to consider talking with them about how they would like to be remembered.
For example, before my mother-in-law passed on, she said she had given considerable thought to this question and decided she would like to be remembered by this phrase “She cared, and she shared.”
Your loved one may have a certain poem, reading, phrase or Bible verse that has been important to them which they would like you to include at their Memorial service. So by all means, if you feel you are able to, ask their opinion on this - it will be a comfort to you later on.
The information provided here will give you some ideas on this subject as well as some samples you and your loved one may want to consider.
A lot of basic "how to" information is provided in Chapter 24 “Preparing for Transition” of the book “When Your Parent Becomes Your Child” by Sherry Lynn Harris. In addition to the information provided there, below are some specific readings and you may find one that sets just the right tone for what you want the Memorial service to communicate.
The ceremony will most likely focus on who your loved one was before the final stages of the disease and on what is the legacy they are leaving behind. For example, determine what was of vital importance to her: perhaps she was dedicated to serving her family delicious home-cooked meals. We’ve had someone whose recipe for her best-known dish was included in the Memorial Service Program. Another way to honor her legacy would be to serve one of her best-loved recipes at the reception following the service.
If he loved camping and was very close to nature, you may want to honor that by holding the service outdoors, perhaps in your back yard or at a park or nearby nature preserve.
If he had a favorite song, it's nice to include that in the service. Songs which are often used include “Amazing Grace,” “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” “I’ll Be Seeing You,” and “The Lord’s Prayer.” Live musicians are great, but if that is not available, you can still create a lovely mood by playing a recording of their song.
If you have creative relatives who wish to contribute, they can put together a photo collage or slide show or, if they are technologically savvy, even a movie of your loved one’s life, using their favorite music as a backdrop for the photos.
If there are children involved, you may want to ask them if they would like to participate in a simple way. For example, each child could come up to light a candle and say what one thing they will always remember about Grandpa (i.e. his bear hug, or when they went fishing together).
Decide what you want the function of the service to be. Do you want it to be a celebration of their life? Do you want it to provide an opportunity for the family to heal together? Let the person who is leading the service know, so they can do their best to achieve what you desire. Keep your goal in mind as you choose what selections you want read.
If your loved one was a reader of the Bible, you may want verse read from it. Traditional selections from the Bible include“The Lord is My Shepherd” (23rd Psalm), “For Everything there is a Season” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8), or “The Beatitudes” (Matthew 5:1-12)
23rd Psalm
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures: he leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul: he leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil:
for you are with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies:
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build up,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones together,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to seek and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
The Beatitudes (Matthew 5)
Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to Him,
2 and He began to teach them, saying:
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they shall be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the sons of God.
If you are looking for readings from other sources, there are many which may resonate with you, such as the following:
This reading is from a Native American Chief
I want to lie down in dappled leaf-shade
In quivering shadows of quivering leaves –
Be they oak, be they maple
Be they elm or birch.
I want to rest in the play of shadows
Over my reclining form.
I want to be caressed by shadows
Of wavering leaves,
Soothed off to sleep
Feeling the gentle breeze.
Looking up at the rustling
Sun-drenched crown.
After all is said
After all is done
This, this is the way
I would choose to say goodbye.
Right here, in this chapel, on this hill.
In The Next Room
Death is nothing at all:
I have only slipped away
into the next room.
I am I and you are you;
Whatever we were to each
other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me
in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone:
Wear no forced air or solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the
little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting
for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner. All is well.
There Is No Death
I am standing on the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her
until at length she is a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, “There! She’s gone!”
Gone where? Gone from my sight is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side,
and she is just as able to bear her load of living weight to destined harbor.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just as the moment when someone at my side says
“There! She’s gone!”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
“There she comes!”
If you would like to include a prayer, one of these is often chosen:
The Prayer For Protection (by James DIllet Freeman)
The Light of God surrounds me.
The Love of God enfolds me.
The Power of God protects me.
The Presence of God watches over me.
Wherever I am, God is!
The Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Sherry Lynn Harris is a trained Prayer Chaplain and experienced in conducting Memorial Services. If you are interested in engaging her to lead your Memorial Service, please fill in the form under the “Contact Us” heading and she will get right back to you with care, comfort, and experience to help you through this process of healing and closure.
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